well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
