I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
