i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
