I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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