I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
