I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
