guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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