New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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