My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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