What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
