how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
