***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
