You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
