dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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