i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
