btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
