I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
