Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
