Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
worst night to have a conscience
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
