living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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