Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
