WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't turn off my feet"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
