ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
