I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
