tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
