yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
