I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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