Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
