i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
