I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
