Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
