I am in a vortex of obligation.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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