i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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