I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
