Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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