...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
