I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
