Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
