You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
