Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
