shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
