dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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