I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
