I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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