Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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