bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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