Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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