why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
