i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
