it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
