nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
