Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
