I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
