Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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