don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
May the power of my ass compel you!!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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