remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
