Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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