She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize