I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
