Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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