Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
