His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
